TALES OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC (Ep. 6)

Well, the biggest fight happened (yet), and the source of it was this:

What I didn't explain earlier was that, after the horrific flop at my MOCKS, there was a session in church about relationships, and it narrowed down to dating. This speaker...really hit the spot when she was explaining why dating is not recommended while still in high school. I felt guilty, because I was going against what I believed in from the beginning and what the church holds in great regard, waiting it out. But remember, your sis here was a hopeless romantic who was finding hope in this relationship, so you will not tell her nothing. Remember she is living her life out proud (not 100% to be honest) but does that matter?

So as I was explaining to my guy why I needed a break (imagine I couldn't do it over phone, wow) I actually said I was faking it till I make it. And a lot of other things that I couldn't remember. He said he understood, and I closed that chapter in peace and concentrated in school. But sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder at how he's doing, whether he misses me. 

I finish exams and he DMs me...that's where we left off, right? So, life goes on as usual, we're talking, chatting, making up for lost time. Or so, I thought. 3 or so days after celebrating virtually our first anniversary (coz he was on one side, I was on the other one with my family celebrating Christmas) I get an interesting text that was something like; "can we talk?" My memory isn't strong but the words he typed insinuated that. Then, soon after we're kind of revisiting that same convo we had earlier in September about me 'faking it till I make it' in terms of the whole relationship. For a minute I'm confused, I'm asking myself where it could have come from. I even scrolled behind to check for any provoking words, and in my judgement there was none. I had to 'prove' myself to him, writing long texts and all. Just to let him know that I loved him a lot, like so much, and I respected him. It turned to me looking so wrong and him so right, which in a hopeless romantic's eyes are true. But from the eye of a normal functioning human being, it's kind of more leaning to the centre. Well, as fast as the argument began, it disappeared and pretended that it never happened. He began talking about football! Although I love football, this drastic change of subject kind of disturbed me. I actually got pissed and asked if I could sleep in earlier than usual. It just, didn't make sense. Why, begin an argument that nearly tore me apart and even worse pretend that it didn't happen?

So, as the hopeless romantic I was, I ignored my feelings, moved on and was happy that he was happy. Until...almost 3 months later, again, he randomly asks questions like...

"I'm I top of your notifications?"

"Do you still love me/care about me anymore?"

"Are you excited to talk to me?"

"Are you tired of this relationship?"

And I replied in my honest affirmative, but part of my 'hopelessness' began fading and reality began sinking in. And i asked myself so many questions...does he even trust me and my words? Why is he sounding fidgety? This convo wasn't an argument really, but I still had to write long texts to prove myself. It eventually came to the point where he goes like, we'll decide about it on Sunday, lemme think about it. And I kept on asking myself, what on earth is going on though?