TALES OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC (Ep 7)

 "So in other words we're breaking up?"

"Nah, I'm just giving you time."

(Nah, why do I need time? You're the one who suggested it, which means you're the one who needs time?)

"It will be really hard but I will do it. I release you then."

"Nah, it's more of releasing yourself. I will be waiting until you're ready."

"Alright then, see you on the other side."

"All the best. Will never give up."

Although that gave me a bit of suspicion, that last part, I, as the hopeless romantic, decided to sit out, like a substitute in a game. I talked to my mom, I was boiling with anger, this guy was going to trash away my love for him, like that? Even if it was a bit shaky at one point, I came to learn that love is a choice and not a feeling. Maybe, I chose to love, by force...maybe? So, I talked to her and she told me to block him for three months to just clear my head and all. And the process that broke me down to pieces began.

I endured not talking to him, not chatting with him, not hearing his voice everyday. The first one was fine, very fine. I made it through the week, that was because I told my close friends what was up. The second week, no calls from anyone. No text. Nothing. It became silent. That feeling of sinking began, sinking into the darkest pit of depression. By the third week, my heart had been broken through and through and it was bleeding. Dark waters gushed through the cracks, and I cried. Really cried. I even forgot how to cry, it sounded weird to my ears. Then I felt lighter, and better. This feeling, it was like someone hugged me. It was Him, yes, Him. I texted one of my spiritual leaders and asked whether it is wrong finding closure. I had to truly let go. I kind of gotten freedom, a real taste of freedom, and in the relationship, I didn't realize that I was jailed in it. I got the go ahead and began seeking for closure.

I wasn't supposed to talk to him for three months, but barely a month is over when I'm going back. Just to find closure. I tested the waters first,

"Hey you, I know I took so long to reply and I'm sorry for that. Hope you're good though?"
He took a whole damn day to reply, and clearly I could see he was online...the audacity! The guy just seemed not to care. And the excuse was...

"I'm sorry I took so long to reply, I have eye issues and I'm trying to avoid excessive screen time, so I post on my status and that's it." Ok bro, but isn't my text of priority, especially after hearing from me after three weeks, you don't even sound excited to hear from me! What is not happening?

My work wasn't done, finding closure. He didn't even talk to me after that, and I got more and more agitated till I was pushed to the end. I wrote a whole ass text, apologizing for not being the girlfriend he expected and all...and his response, laughter, then, "what on earth is going on?" and in my head I was like, "you decided for us to break up, now I desire to move on. I'm here to just rub it in your face!"

Instead, I kept quiet and read his text without replying. I slept like a baby, woke up the next day and did life, then switched on data. To my utter shock, he apologized, and that was all I wanted. Just that, nothing else. So I chilled and relaxed and life moved on.

Well, I thought truly life moved on, until I backslid to being a hopeless romantic, allowing myself to go back into the same relationship that made me question everything I do, down to the air I breathe while in that relationship. Once again, I wore the clown attire and went back to play in the arena.