TALES OF A HOPELESS ROMANTIC (Ep 9)

 Well, the clowning paint slowly began fading away, and stark reality was ready slapped my face. No, he didn't cheat on me, (or maybe he did? At this point I'm way past caring) I just realized a trend, an interesting and an almost obnoxious trend.

We would go like a day or two without talking, for no specific reason at all. I didn't know that I was addicted to him until some set of time passes without us talking. In those intervals I slowly woke up and snapped out of my drug. I really needed rehab. Sometimes that 'silent' period would leave me dazed for a while and doubts started creeping my head. 

But before that...

I as the clown/hopeless romantic, sent a whole godamn voice note. A voice note!!!! And I said that I was fine with us not talking everyday (while lying through my teeth) as a way of getting his attention. Does he guy even care? Does he know I exist? Did i do anything wrong to upset him and he's in his "cave"? 

So, at that period of on and off convos, my grandma got really sick and she had traveled to the city to get treatment, and I just had a bad feeling about everything. In addition to that, the one person I wanted to run to...wasn't emotionally available. I also had to be available and strong for my fam, coz it wasn't so easy, the whole process. So you can imagine how exhausted I was emotionally and physically.

Let's just say, I expected too much from this guy. And I got back a fraction of what I wanted.

Anyway...

He received my voicenote a whole day later and thought I was leaving the relationship (see, trust issues?) and he was just like, he's fine. I thought me explaining myself to him would kind of make him realize how inconsistent this is. (And that's the day I realized that although I can freestyle, I can't do that in everything) Then we talked about the Diana and Bahati drama (the whole Q&A thing) and I sided with Diana, coz them guy was breaking rules left, right and centre. He was siding with Bahati because, he was 'spicing things up'. Bruh, if your idea of indirectly hurting someone for your satisfaction(If you're floating, just go watch the video on their YouTube if you love reality drama) I also asked him if he cared about me and all, and he's like I didn't want to tell you coz...I can't quite remember the words but it just sounded ridiculous.

A week or so later we met and had our usual walks. Though this will be the very last time we'll be having a date environment, you know, the romantic environment. We just kind of chilled and had a good time, walked almost the whole neighbourhood and ate pineapples. Later on we shared a packet of french fries (but whenever I was with him, bruh all the hunger flies out of the window). One of the things he said/laughed about was the way I was insecure about the whole thing. Initially I was laughing along, but in reality, nah, this isn't normal, and it's not a good thing to feel insecure in a relationship.

So, why didn't I speak? Because I was being a stupid clown. I'm not blaming myself, I'm actually reasoning from a sober point of view.

The crown to this was I read (actually re-read) 2 poems which represent the love and adoration I had for him. Ningejua adoration only belongs to Jesus waaaaaa (I should have known adoration only belongs to Jesus) because what followed after that last romantic meet up...proved that.

Someone should have warned me that this was how it was going to end, because I would have carried some popcorn to watch it.